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The Essential Werewolf
By Kurt Katarakt

That most heartwarming holiday of the year is nearly upon us once more, and as part of the Halloween (ehem!) spirit, we bring you our collection of the most essential werewolf movies. And by essential, we absolutely mean cool. What are the requisites for coolness? Oh, just one simple thing - it has to have werewolves in it. That's all. If you ask us, there's not nearly enough werewolf movies out there as much as Jlo videos. I mean come on!

We were tempted to include every movie in the top ten but then we would have to think up two new ones just to complete the list. And as for you (blecccch!) purists out there, we're sorry but we're only talking of the werewolf movies we've seen, okay? It's our list! Which means no Wolfman meets Dracula meets Frankenstein meets Whatever! But who knows? If you gave us a copy it might make the list next year (hint! Big Friggin Hint!) We here at the Ehole only aim to puhleeeeze!

THE TOP FIVE

1. AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON - Where do I begin? Okay, for starters, it has the best transformation scene in the world. Also check out The dream within a dream. The Subway Prowl. The London Adult Cinema. And what about the howlingly funny script and soundtrack? Need I mention the groovy shower scene? Oh, and whatever you do, stay on the road.

2. THE HOWLING - The second best transformation scene. You'll never look at burgers the same way again.

3. THE COMPANY OF WOLVES - You guessed it: the third best transformation scene. I don't even wanna talk about this one. Neil Jordan went on to direct the unsatisfying Interview With A Vampire, and the equally perplexing Crying Game, but nothing matches the surreal splendor of this gothic opus!

4. AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN PARIS - Only because it has werewolves in it. And Julie Delpy.

5. FRIGHT NIGHT - Hey! It has a werewolf in it, doesn't it? Sheesh…everybody's a critic.

6. THRILLER - Here we go again. So what if it's not a movie! Did I say it had to be a, a long movie? Huh? Did I say that? Did anybody hear me say it had to be a loooong movie!?!

7. AMADEUS - he, he. A little joke there. Ahem

Blubbering under the top seven:

WOLF - This Jack Nicholson romantic thriller suffers from one problem - not enough hair.

Well, that's it for now. Tune in next week for the Essential Worthless Things.

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